Before Harris was growing in my belly I was never a very maternal person. It’s true when they say that motherhood changes you. I can’t describe the love I felt towards our surprise love-bug when I witnessed that second line appear on the cheapo pregnancy test I’d bought on a whim because my period was a few days late. The need to protect our unborn baby came instantly, and I knew there and then that this happy little accident was meant to be – the same thing cannot be said for Gavin who instantly threw up when I told him, but he came round eventually!
Once Harris was born, we said that our family was complete. We’d loosely talked about how many children we would like and had mutually agreed that one would be enough for us. Now, if we fast forward to around eight months after Harris was born, this is when I started to feel like maybe one day another bundle of joy would be a nice thing to have again. Did I tell Gavin? Absolutely not, because I knew he was pretty set on just the one. Fast forward again, to around Harris’ first birthday, where there were a lot of emotions flying around about how our baby was no longer a baby and it was mentioned that maybe one day it would be nice to have another. Fast forward again (last time, I promise) to now - we have a toddling almost-18 month old and having another baby is mentioned almost daily. So, what’s stopping us?
For starters, we’re currently living back with my mum and stepdad and trying to scrape together a deposit for our own home. There are currently four adults, one toddler and two dogs living under the one roof. I needn’t say much more on that really, but it wouldn’t be fair on anyone to introduce a newborn baby into the mix too. Plus we’re not in a position where we can afford to move again.
Harris still doesn’t sleep the best, and I struggle with that enough as it is. I honestly found it much easier when he was newborn and happy to boob to sleep because we don’t have that anymore and it’s much more difficult when he’s up for an hour at a time through the night. I think it was just a bit easier when he was a newborn because they slot into your life pretty easily at the beginning when they all they do is eat, poop and sleep. Once they start to crawl, walk and talk you have a whole host of other battles on your hands. We need to leave the house in two minutes, just keep your socks on, will you?!
Also - money. It makes the world go round apparently, and I have to agree a little bit. It just seems like everything is about money right now, and we unfortunately don’t have enough to go around. We have a few things we’re trying to save up for at the moment so there is no chance we could afford to clothe and feed another human right now.
Another reason for delaying trying for number two is that, selfishly, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting my own life back a little bit. Now that I’ve been back at work for six months (I don’t even know how that happened so damn quickly?!) and have met more new people I’ve found I’m socialising a lot more and talking about babies a lot less. And if I’m completely honest, it’s really nice! It’s nice not to be in mum-mode 24/7, wiping a snotty nose or saying “don’t touch that” approximately 14982 times a day. I obviously think about Harris whenever he’s away or at nursery, but it isn’t as full-on or tiring and it does give me a little break! He’ll always be my sidekick though, and I love watching him change and develop every single day.
So, what’s the plan then? Well, we plan to enjoy life as a family of three for just that little bit longer. We have our first family holiday coming up this June, and I don’t think I’d be too happy about being with child in 25 degrees plus. Being pregnant in a Scottish summer was bad enough for me! I think we’ll continue to save money so we can find a place of our own, and then just see what happens. Being honest, I think it’ll be at least another year or two before we try for another, no matter how much I’d love some soft newborn baby snuggles right now!
Stacey and Harris