Let's talk about SEX. It's that thing we all do, but only go in to detail about when we’ve had one too many proseccos with our girlfriends. I’m sure as we get older it gets spoken about less? Or maybe my circle of friends are just a tad prude? (Soz mates!) Either way, I don’t talk about it much but it’s been on my mind lately... a LOT!
With my first pregnancy our sex life took a massive nose dive... it was as dry as a bone - if you can excuse that awful pun! However sex after birth was fine, normal service resumed quite quickly and because I had a c-section my downstairs was as it was - everything still in its place, just like it should be. So sex wasn’t an issue that time around. At the beginning of my second pregnancy all was good in the bedroom, but shortly after my 12 week scan Greg had to go away with work for four whole, slow months. And when he got back I suddenly had a humongous twin bump and sex just wasn’t on the cards. Well actually, it was...once. After that awful experience (that I’d like to wipe from my memory) it became apparent that it was the last shag for a while. I felt terrible, I felt bad for Greg and also sorry for myself. I physically couldn’t walk up the stairs without being in pain, and thanks to SPD there was zero chance of me opening my legs for a few seconds let alone long enough for a quick romp!
Greg seemed focused on the end game. He knew that it would still be a few weeks after the birth til he got his end away, regardless of the delivery method. Secretly I was petrified that a natural birth would RUIN my precious lady garden. And I’m not gonna lie, if you have read my previous blog posts, it bloody did! Not being able to sit or wee properly for weeks instilled the fear in to me that my vagina would be a punched lasagne forever and these pelvic floor exercises were doing NOTHING! Genuinely it took me over six weeks to even peek at my nether regions. And when I did, I panicked. I remember telling my friend that I thought the doctor had stitched my clitoris to my labia because I couldn’t bloody find it! Anywhere! I daren't look again for a while and unfortunately for Greg, this delayed our post baby sex even longer.
At my nine week check which was supposed to be at six weeks post partum, I avoided any suggestions of taking a look down there. I was totally ok with believing my clitoris had gone missing and no one was going to poke about down there to try and find it until I was ready. Fast forward another few weeks and even my friends had started to feel sorry for Greg. He started to Greep on me (Greg + Creep = Greep) and became a bit of a pest. I knew I had to do it one day... our marriage needed it. I needed it!
Now, as well as believing the downstairs had been rearranged following the exit of Roux’s gigantic head, (I mean, I’m pretty sure at one point I was peeing out of my bum hole) the fear of it being different for both Greg and I is what was holding me back the most. A little bit of pain I can deal with, but knowing that it wasn’t like it was before was really, really getting to me. So, after a few glasses of wine and a little bit of flirting, we finally completed the deed. We got it on, rolled in the hay, he dipped his wick. We bonked. Whatever you call it, we did it. I’m not gonna lie, it was different. And if I’m absolutely honest with you, I was a total loser. Because I frigging CRIED! I cried because I was terrified that it felt different for him, because he hadn’t yet mentioned that my pelvic floor exercises had really worked wonders. I cried because I felt guilty I made him wait so long and I cried because it was such a huge build up and actually I shouldn’t have been scared in the slightest.
There was no reason for me to be scared because I should have known that my husband would love me no matter what. He would have waited another 9 months if he had to (although I could NOT put up with his Greeping for that long). He would even have sex with me if my vagina was completely obliterated after birth. He would find a way...even if it was with the back of my knee, he would be happy.
Now I’ve faced the post baby sex, I feel qualified to give some advice for those feeling worried:
1. Have a groom - there’s no better feeling than shaving your legs/having a wax to make yourself feel a little sexier in preparation for the occasion.
2. Have a couple of glasses of wine - obviously drink responsibly, but for me a couple of glasses just helped me a relax a little! I didn’t drink enough to become a porn star though, much to Greg's disappointment!
3. Slow and steady wins the race? You’re reconnecting after a big change in your life, and possibly a bit of a dry spell. Don't rush things, relax and enjoy it!
4. Accept the change. Your body has done an amazing thing. We need to appreciate that it will take a while to get back to “normal” again.
And just a little disclaimer.. please make sure whether you are having sex with your long term partner or someone new, make sure you are protected from STI’s and pregnancy (if you don’t want another baby soon) because you are super fertile after giving birth. Blimey, two sets of twins are hard enough... sod having some Irish twins thrown in the mix too!
Other than that, enjoy. I hope I’ve inspired some of you to go get your freak on. Let us know if you have worried about doing the deed post baby too and tell me I’m not the only one that cried after sex.
Sweet Tooth Super Mum