..and why it's okay to feel like an imposter.
I'm not going to lie, the mother I am in public is an entirely different animal to the mum bunned creature in pyjamas that crawls around the house picking up bits of cracker all day.
The truth is, I'm not an easygoing parent at all... in fact I am extremely neurotic when it comes to parenting. I have spent endless hours, blood, sweat and tears attempting to teach my girls how to behave at home and in public, but for some reason I just don't like it to be acknowledged. For every time they have done as I have asked first time in public, there have been thirty or so meltdowns in private in preparation. For every meal my toddler eats neatly and quietly in a restaraunt for the waitresses to coo over there have been four hundred spaghetti explosions all over my kitchen walls. I come across as a care free, easy going mother when we are out and about, but the reality couldn't be further from the truth. My every waking minute is spent monitoring their manners, speaking, learning, behaviour, food intake, bowel movements, correcting them every step of the way. I am obsessed. And most of the time I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing.
No one sees this woman, but she's there behind the scenes getting everything ready for public Kate. This woman does all the work only for public Kate to brush it all off and dismiss it.
Why do we as mothers find it so hard to take credit for what our private selves put so much in to? Is it really that hard to take a compliment? Or are we all desperately trying to keep up an act, trying so hard to make it look like we are not all on the verge of losing our minds raising these tiny humans.
To the woman who spent this morning fishing a cheese sandwich out of the DVD player, who has washed her hair today for the first time in a week, who appears calm and collected whilst her toddler has a breakdown in the supermarket, you are fabulous and not forgotten. Next time I am in a room full of polished perfect mothers I will try not to feel like an imposter, because like me they will all have their own private selves... and a lot of them will be as exhausted, neurotic and unpresentable as mine!
Mama Staying Sane