Don’t worry, I’m not planning on chucking them all on eBay anytime soon. But four is definitely our number and we are DONE! Greg is waiting for his vasectomy appointment to come through and I am selling off or passing on all of my baby items. So why do people feel the need to suggest I “try for just one more”.
Firstly, I don’t want anymore children. I just don’t. Some practical reasons are that we can’t afford it, we have no spare seats left in our car, even the poor dog has been relegated to non-car dweller because he just can’t fit in! We also don’t have room in the house. It’s full of so much baby crap as it is, even when we take multiple trips to the dump, everything still seems crammed in to the brim. I’d probably lose a newborn in the mess to be honest with you, I’d find it buried underneath wipes, bumbos and rogue dummies with Etti chewing on its toes like a feral ferret.
Also, I genuinely don’t think my body could take another pregnancy, let alone another surprise twin one (seriously it could only happen to me). I know a doctor would probably tell me that I’m healthy enough but honestly, I don’t feel it. I still feel drained physically and mentally from the birth of the babies, I’m so scarred I can’t even watch women in labour on tv anymore, it fills me with the same dread that filled me when Rouxs giant head was crowning, and I just can’t bear to relive that moment.
We also have to take into consideration the four children we currently have. We are able to feed, clothe and love them all equally as best as we can, and I don’t want to push any of that any further. It’s hard to get all 4 kids dressed and looking presentable (yes I like my kids to look nice, shoot me). I want to be able to give them all equal amounts of help when they bring homework home, I want to treat them all when we go shopping and not have to wait for a birthday to come around or to rely on family members to help out financially. They have their fair amount of hand me downs but I like to buy them new things. And I don’t want to have to skip story time before bed because I need to get the baby number 6, 7 or 8 fed.
And the selfish reason is that I want my body back. Not just looking nice but feeling good, fit, and healthy. In mind, body and soul and all that jazz. My current look can only be described as 'Sharon from Eastenders' because my chin has become so chubby my neck is disappearing. It’s not a good look, sorry no offence Shaz.
So, after people insist I will have another, as if they have the power to change my stubborn mind, They always go on to ask “but what if you fell pregnant again? What would you do? Oh my gosh what if it’s twins again?!” The answer for some reason seems to shock them. I wouldn’t keep it or them, regardless of how many of them there was. Now, I don’t say this to offend people or to upset them. I say it because it’s the truth. I don’t want anymore children so why would I bring it/them into the world just because I’d feel bad for having a termination?
We do actually have the choice, we have the FREEDOM to make that choice in this country. And I may get messages from people that have struggled to conceive, or can’t conceive for any matter of reasons that don’t like the fact that I am so straight to the point on this. But we all have our story and our reasons, we have had our struggles to fall pregnant, we tried for over two years before the girls and then when I finally did fall pregnant we miscarried. So I know loss and I know struggle and I wouldn’t let anyone else’s judgements stop me from making that decision for myself and my family.
On the flip side to this, we’ve decided that as soon as I’ve lost some weight, my cycle is back to normal and I am ready, I will go through the process to donate my eggs. In all honesty it’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do until I had Etti and Roux. There was always something very personal about it and I kind of felt like I’d be giving a child away. But now I know I’m fully finito with the twin making a switch inside me just went and it was like the personal attachment I once felt to those little cells in my ovaries had disappeared. I’m seeing them as opportunities for happiness for other people. Exactly what I am experiencing now could be given to someone else. And that’s bloody amazing.
So for anyone wondering, yes I am done, I am happy and I am content. And that is exactly how it will stay.